If you’re experiencing grief and loss, welcome to our blog and know you are not alone. We can all experience grief at some point in our lives for several reasons and situations such as:

• Bereavement following death of a loved one
• Loss of a pet (we often see our pets as family members)
• End of a relationship
• Loss of employment
• Loss sense of self following a diagnosis of a long-term health condition

What is grief?

Grief can be experienced in different ways and is a type of loss but most commonly people think of grief and bereavement as being the same thing. Bereavement is defined as the time period around death of a loved one which can be identified as:

• Anticipatory grief – where death is expected possibly due to ill health. This can bring up thoughts and feelings related to guilt, hopelessness and sadness. In most cases, these thoughts and emotions do not help us to prepare for death of a loved one.
• Secondary grief – this the time period after a loved one has died which is also characterised with thoughts and emotions.
• Unexpected – sometimes, we may experience an unexpected death of a loved one which can bring up similar thoughts and emotions but also questions around why it happened which can lead to further self-blame or guilt.

Grief after being diagnosed with a long-term health condition

When we’re diagnosed with a long-term health condition such as diabetes, cancer, COPD or asthma, we can often experience a sense of loss of identity or grieving for our past selves. We can often become the product of our health “I am the diabetic” and only seeing ourselves as that or we might ruminate and grieve for who we were before being unwell “I use to be fun and do all these amazing things and now look”.

It’s difficult when things in our lives change and we are trying to adapt to a new normal for us.

Some of things we might grieve are:

• Our health – being able to wake up daily without thinking about our health condition
• Freedom – not having to plan each day around medical appointments, available spoons etc
• Mobility & movement – not being able to go out without using mobility aids or researching if places are accessible to us
• Employment – we might need to reduce our working hours or stop working altogether, this mean lead to loss of our plans and dreams

The stages of grief

There are five stages of grief that we can go through following loss. However, how we progress through the different stages is an individual process as we all experience grief differently, it’s not an easy process and it’s not linear. We can experience the stages in a different order, we might bounce between them too before moving into the “acceptance” stage.

Stage 1 – Denial “it’s not true, this cannot be happening”

Stage 2 – Anger “this is not fair”

Stage 3 – Bargaining “I’ll do anything to change this”

Stage 4  – Depression “What’s the point now?”

Stage 5 – Acceptance “I can’t change what has happened”

What are the symptoms of grief?

• Unpredictable emotions – often grief can feel “messy” and we may experience a range of emotions that often feel unpredictable such as anger, numbness and also moments of happiness
• Sadness and low mood
• Anxiety – particularly if there are worries about losing others
• Feeling hopelessness
• Difficulties concentrating
• Crying or becoming tearful more frequently
• Change of role and identity – sometimes if we have lost a parent or partner it can mean that our identity changes and this can be difficult to come to terms with. We may experience a change in responsibility which can lead to feelings of sadness but also anxiety

Can therapy help me to manage grief?

Yes therapy can help to process and manage grief. However, we would not recommend therapy during the first three months of grief, unless there is a significant indication that someone is struggling to cope. The reason for this, is because it’s important to acknowledge and feel loss after bereavement, it’s normal to feel those emotions and thoughts associated with grief (e.g. low mood, anxiety, feeling lost) and we do not want to interrupt the natural grieving process.

After that time, if symptoms of grief are overwhelming and persistent then we would recommend therapy. This can help to provide the opportunity to process loss and go through the stages of grief.

We can also support you to build a sense of self-compassion, often we can be impatience or critical of ourselves when we’re experiencing grief. Grief can be difficult and complex at times and it’s important to allow yourself time and space to explore the thoughts and emotions you’re experiencing rather than telling yourself not to. Being kind to ourselves is the key for grief.

If you would like to access therapy to support you with managing grief, please feel free to contact us. We provide fast access to therapy without waiting times. You can book a free appointment online where we can talk through what support would be most helpful for you.