Why do I feel angry? Look no further!
Have you ever just felt so angry and frustrated that you just wanted to cry? When we feel angry we usually know why but often anger and depression are linked together. When we experience depression, anger can be hidden under the surface until out of nowhere it sudden appears and we might become irritable or shout at ourselves or our loved ones. The feeling of anger can stick around long after the situation has happened because we can start to feel guilty or ashamed for what has happened.
You can read more about what depression is and it’s symptoms in our recent blog post by clicking here.
Why does anger and depression link together?
Very often, we can feel angry for several reasons and its normal to feel angry at certain points. For example, if we have been let down by a friend or been hurt. It’s important that we allow ourselves to sit with our emotions in a safe way rather than suppress them. If we suppress our emotions, they can often suddenly appear out of nowhere. If you imagine that we had a bottle of fizzy soda in our hands and every time we felt an emotion, we shook the bottle… eventually the energy in the bottle is going to increase with each shake and suddenly the bottle can’t hold it in any longer and fizzy liquid goes everywhere! It’s the same with our emotions, if we keep suppressing them eventually, we can’t do it anymore and we might say something we don’t mean, and we can feel overwhelmed and we might even blame ourselves.
Anger tends to be an umbrella emotion that holds other emotions within it, usually feelings of guilt and shame along with depression. If you’re feeling angry often and you aren’t sure why then it could be due to depression especially if alongside this, you are noticing not enjoying things you use to or you’re not sleeping well.
It is also possible to feel angry when we have been diagnosed with a long-term health condition which we feel isn’t fair, when we experience a flare up and we can’t do things we use to anymore and start to feel less enjoyment…. Often frustration begins to appear leading to feelings of anger.
So, what might the symptoms of anger look like?
- Struggling to control your temper
- Finding it hard to receive feedback or criticism from others
- We might criticise others quickly
- Snapping at our loved ones or those closest to us
- Shouting at others and having less patience
How can we manage our feelings of anger?
- Identify and manage triggers – we can often identify why we feel angry and writing this down and rating how angry we felt can be helpful but also noticing what thoughts we were experiencing and what did we do to try to manage our feelings? You could write this down on a piece of paper, on your computer or phone whatever works best for you. We know that by having an awareness of our anger response can help us to understand it more and manage it in a different way in the future
- Challenging our thoughts – often our minds will jump to the worst-case scenario without looking at all the evidence. For example, if your friend didn’t text you back, you might think it’s because they don’t like you. We can examine the evidence of this by looking at evidence that shows your friend does like you and looking at the alternatives as to why they haven’t you texted you back – it could be that their phone has run out of charge, their unwell or their bus is late.
- Relaxation techniques – have you ever noticed that when you feel angry your shoulders begin to ache and your jaw hurts? We often tense up when we feel angry and frustrated and practicing relaxation can help with this. We all experience relaxation in different ways, some people like to do exercise to feel relaxed and imagine that the anger is leaving their body through running, swimming or even yoga. Whereas others might like to practice mindfulness, breathing techniques, having a bubbly bath etc. It’s working out what works for you in the moment.
The most important thing is not to face anger alone, we might worry that others will judge us or see us as a bad person if we tell them we feel angry… but everyone feels angry at some point in their lives and it’s important to know how to cope with it effectively.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) has been shown to be effective for managing symptoms related to anger and depression. CBT help us to process why we feel angry and working with a therapist to identify what techniques will be most effective for you. We will get to know you first and talk through how we can challenge our thoughts, building in self-compassion and practice positive behaviours to help you to manage your daily life differently.
You can book in for a free telephone call with one of our friendly team by filling out our online booking form – you can book an appointment at a day and time that suits you. A member of our team will call you to through what you’re experiencing and guide you to what support would be most helpful for you and at the end of the call you’ll have a plan for the next steps towards feeling like you again.